Don't focus on negative habits. Instead create positive actions

The cost of living crisis, conflict in Ukraine, ongoing outworking of pandemic response, caring for family and loved ones, developing your career.

There always seems to be something to worry about, and with the internet and social media, no shortage of places to get information from. It's no wonder we are often drowning in information and seemingly unable to do anything about it.

But...does it have to be that way? The answer of course is a big fat NO! It doesn't.

Author, futurist and digital anthropologist Brian Solis suggests, "Information overload is a symptom of our desire to not focus on what's important. It is a choice.” We can't do everything. I see this in my coaching clients as well as in myself–the struggle to make a decision.

Is it right for me to move to another place? Shall I quit my soul sucking job? Shall I turn my side hustle into a full time business?

I repeat, we can't do everything. We can't stay where we are AND move to another place. It's physically impossible. We can't stop overdosing on news AND not watch the news. These are impossibilities, but we stay in that place of trying to fool our minds that it is possible.

You can see that in the difference between our language and our actions. We may constantly talk about doing less doom-scrolling (note: it's kinda self-explanatory, but if you've not heard the term before it means scrolling through your news feed and consuming negative news–do I even need the word negative!?) So we talk about changing our habits…but our actions stay just the same. We're living in a paradox. We want 1 + 1 to equal 2 and 3 at the same time. It's not gonna happen.

There is always a cost to this cognitive dissonance. That cost is often our health and mental wellbeing.

The Grief Cycle
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross a Swiss-American psychiatrist, developed a way of showing how we respond to grief in her grief cycle. And grieving doesn't just mean the death of a loved one. It can also mean ending of a relationship, the death of an old normal, like peace or absence of war, or a change of situation like moving house.

According to her model, we start off in Denial–we don't want to accept the reality of the situation. Then this leads to Anger–frustration and anxiety are hallmarks of this stage. Next we can go into Depression–the weight of the situation bears down on us so deep that it seems hopeless. Then we start Bargaining–hearing other peoples stories of how they are coping and having the confidence to share our own story. And finally, we come to Acceptance–which doesn't mean we agree with what's happening, but that we learn to acknowledge it is what it is.

Models like this can be useful to help us chart a path through dealing with an overwhelming situation. But as a Christian, it's reassuring to know there is always hope. To refer to the God of creation, knowing ultimately He is in control–even if it doesn't feel like it from our perspective–is...well...ultimately reassuring. There can be a sense of contentment, or as the bible describes in Isaiah 26, Perfect Peace:

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You; because he trusts in You."

I don't know about you, but with everything going on I'm glad of the moments of perfect peace I have and I want more!

Change your focus
Even if you're not a believer, I want to spend the rest of this post giving a few tips that have worked for me and many others to help you get out of the negative habits of doom-scrolling and consuming negative news. The main way I'm suggesting to do that is to "Don't focus on negative habits. Instead create positive actions."

So what do I mean by that? The more you say you don't want to do something, the more you will focus on it. It's back to that paradox. You can't do two opposite things at the same time.

Let's take a scenario of a typical day, where let’s say, after you've had dinner, put the kids to bed if you have them, do a bit of tidying up, then you collapse on the sofa and.…..let the doom scrolling commence!

I was like that. I know how it feels. All I wanted to do in the evening, all I felt I had the energy to do, was to sit in front the TV. Certainly nothing that would engage my mind. Just mindless consuming.

Today, I spend on average an hour per evening writing my novel. So instead of consuming, I'm now producing, which in itself is far better for my wellbeing. If you don't believe me check out my friend and wonderful artist Georgie St Clair's research backed post on everyday creativity where she refers to a UCL study around benefits of creativity.

Five creative activities to defeat negative habits
Here are 5 activities you can do to help replace your negative habits and focus on the positive action instead.

1. Free Writing - Always have a note pad near by (preferably physical and not on your phone/computer–here’s what I use.) When you feel the urge to scroll, get out your pad, set a timer for 5 mins (again, use a physical timer to avoid smartphone, computer notification distractions–here's the one I use) and write.

It doesn't matter what you write. It could be your shopping list, or your to-do list, some beautiful poetry or prose, or just your thoughts at that moment. The point is to do a 'brain dump.'

Incidentally, this is a task we do in Conekto Creative Community every Monday morning at 9:30am (UK time.) It's a great way to Kickstart your Monday.

2. Musical Response – Another activity we carry out in our creative community is listening to a piece of music and drawing or writing your response to it. Now you don't have to be a superb artist. You don't have to be a great writer. This is not about quality, but about action. You may draw shapes and patterns. You may pick out some of the words from the song (if it has lyrics) or write down how you feel about the piece. Set the timer for 5 minutes, if it's a long piece and see what you come up with.

3. Photo Description – Similar to the music piece, but this time chose an image. It could be a photo, but it could be a designed image too. I've not tried it with a designed image, so might give that a go. Set the timer for 5 minutes, study the photo then write or draw your response to it. You may want to pick out elements from the photo and write some poetry. You may write how it makes you feel. Or you may simply reproduce the image in your own way. How, doesn't matter. Taking action does.

4. Reading Zone – This might be a more obvious one, but it can easily be neglected. Pick up a book. It doesn't have the sensory overload as watching a film, which is why many reject it for motion pictures, but it's proven to be a transformational activity. It's good for your health.

In terms of changing habits, start reading a book, something that you really enjoy and use that as a pull in the evening (or whenever's best for you) to find out what happens next. Before I go to bed, I'm currently reading System Restored by Adam Eccles. It's a sci-fi time travel story set in Watford (where I live) and St Albans (where I love), and I can't wait to find out what happens next. I'm looking forward to reading it tonight!

5. Meditative Colouring – This is something I have to admit, I haven't done a lot of as I love the other ideas. But I know this really works for many people so wanted to get it down. There are many different types of colouring in books for adults today that enable you to increase focus and attention by taking that step away from the screen and using your brain in a more natural way. I've got no specific book to recommend, but if you search for Colouring In Books for Adults, you'll get loads. Take your pick.

By the way, it's great doing any of these exercises in groups too as you get to see how others have responded and gained from it. Always rewarding together in our creative community!

Conclusion
There's so much going on in life today that we need to take stock and have a dose of clarity on how what we are doing is affecting our health and wellbeing. Consuming too much news is not good for us. Doom-scrolling is not good for us. We know this. Instead of helping us cope and move through the grief cycle, it keeps us stuck in an endless cycle of doom. No-one needs that.

But don't focus on how bad you feel not being able to stop the scroll, as this in itself makes you more anxious, releasing more cortisol–our stress chemical in your brain.

Don't focus on negative habits. Instead create positive actions.
Choose just one activity to start with. It doesn't matter if you don't think you'll like it. Try it anyway, and if you don't, just try another. Keep doing this when you feel the temptation to doom-scroll and soon your synapses will be strong and you will have created a new neural pathways which can become your default.

From writing a big fat zero words in 2021, I've now written 13,447 on my novel this year. It certainly works for me.

I'd love to hear how you get on with any of the exercises or if you have some others to share. Let me know and I may do a follow up and include your ideas.