5 ways to cope with working alone

It had been three days. Maybe four. Scrap that. It was five days that I hadn’t left my flat. I’d not seen another human being. I hadn’t even taken or made many phone calls.

I was very much alone. In a working week, my total human contact was the sum of two phone calls to clients and a few emails.

By the time I met her, I couldn’t stop talking. She was always bright and bubbly and not averse to a good chinwag. We conversed. I told her about some things I was working on. She told me about some things happening in her life. It was always a brief conversation but at some points, this conversation became the highlight of my week. I was sad when I paid for my tins of tuna, carrots, chicken and toothpaste and was alone again.

Listen. Don’t do it. Ok? I can’t remember who, but someone once said

“To be, is to be in relationships”

That is so true. We are created to relate to each other. When that doesn’t happen, something breaks. Something is missing. We are not functioning as we should. There are so many reports that loneliness is becoming an increasing problem, and it can also lead to health problems like depression.

The checkout girl at Morrison’s told me I needed to get out more. (Not literally I might add. She would be totally unaware that she was the sum of my human contact in a five day period.) It’s not good to be alone. I learnt that. So not long after I started going to more networking meetings. I was slowly going from meeting zero new people a month to meeting up to 5, then 10 and now upwards of 30 new people a month that I converse with at some level. And I feel much the better for it.

Working from home, not working alone

So what does this mean for creatives and engrepreneurs and for helping us to achieve more and get things done? Starting your own business, freelancing or just working from home are great options that we have today. However, they are not without their problems. I know for myself when working on certain projects, nothing beats collaboration. I thrive when working with other people with whom I can bounce ideas off. To encourage me. To challenge me and to help me learn and push myself further.

Working totally on my own doesn’t always work for me. Sometimes it’s the right thing. I may need to be away from everyone else and any distractions for a short time. But for most of us even knowing you can pick up the phone or Zoom someone when you’re stuck can make all the difference. They don’t even need to provide solutions. Just speaking out the problem to someone else, to vocalise it and talk it through is all it takes for a solution to become apparent. Not having anyone to do that with can lead to frustration, constant creative blocks, lower quality work and increasing dissatisfaction.

We need other people in our lives. You see, having others in our lives can make us better people. There is an old proverb that says:

“As iron sharpens iron so a man sharpens the character of his friend”

We are designed to function with our fellow man. We get to know ourselves better through the experience of others. Don’t go more than a couple of days without speaking to another human being. Just don’t.

Making it work

There are many things you can do to avoid the loneliness trap all of which take a little effort which you’ll need to be willing to do. Here are my top tips.

1) Invite someone out for coffee

It’s always good to have a break, and meeting up for coffee (insert beverage of choice) is a great way to break up creative stints and get inspired. Or to simply have a break away from a computer screen if you spend most of your time there.

As well as meeting with friends, going out for coffee can be a good opportunity to get to know someone a bit better. Especially if you’re using the Proximity Principle - 

“In order to do what you want to do, you have to be around people who are doing it, in places where it is happening.”

Perhaps you could invite someone out for a coffee from a company you admire and perhaps would like to work with in future. Or someone who has been where you want to go in life and could potentially be your mentor. Someone you can learn off, ask questions and who will stretch you. Or how about someone who is simply fun to be with. Humour can be inspirational to added creativity.

Inviting someone for coffee can be a good first step as you’re not taking up loads of their time so you may feel less guilty about it.

2) Meet up for lunch

Lunch takes it a bit further. There’s something quite special about sharing a meal with another person–or people. Just the act of sitting down together can create a bond between you.

I have met many people over the years, at networking meetings in particular, who I have subsequently met up with for lunch and all sorts of creative endeavours have resulted. From setting up a creatives network, speaking at events, generating a lot of business for my digital marketing agency, starting podcasts. A simple lunch meeting can lead to so much more.

3) Arrange a Zoom/ONLINE call

Zoom can be a great medium to build relationships. You don’t necessarily have to live on the other side of the world to benefit from Zoom calls. Phone calls are good, but being able to see the other person, being able to observe and gauge body language can provide more authentic conversations–as long as the technology holds up! Though it is pretty reliable these days.

Many of my clients, I coach online via Zoom. This has been invaluable, as without it, I simply couldn’t run my business the way I want.

Whatever the reason you use it, that connection with other people is priceless. It can open up new avenues to ‘meeting’ more people from across the globe. I have a client in Australia for example for which Zoom works perfectly.

You can run brainstorming sessions, show each other work and get critiques as well as provide or receive coaching sessions and more. All you need to do, is know who you will ask.

4) Co-work in a café

Being in the same place but getting on with your own work can also be a great motivator. I have often worked in cafés, bars and pubs, inviting others to work with me. This provides the positive benefits of an office environment without many of the negatives. You can come and go as you please. You chose the people you want to be there with–to an extent. You don’t have to put up with all that time-wasting office politics and more. You do need to be more disciplined but that’s where working with the right people can spur you on to get stuff done.

There are many shared co-working spaces that you can find on Eventbrite or Meetup.com. I use other local cafe’s too and even hotels open up their bar areas for co-workers with plenty of accessible plug sockets and in some cases USB charging points.

We run our own Focus Co-working online for our Conekto Pro community members. There’s no excuse to not meet up with others and be inspired by working together.

5) Join a regular meet up

Regular meet-ups provide a great way to both connect with others, but also to learn at the same time. There are meet-ups covering everything from how to market your business, to understanding finance and wealth generation. From learning photography and writing, to all areas of personal development like developing your mindset.

Many of these events tend to include networking at the start and end, with a speaker or two in the middle. One thing to note, at some of the events you do have to make the effort to connect with people, as you can easily turn up, enjoy the talk and then leave. That really defeats the point.

The benefits of being part of regular groups like this are many. You can build relationships with people who share the same passion, which in itself can lead to many other opportunities using the Proximity Principle mentioned above. It can lead to accountability which is a key issue for many creative types. We sometimes like the benefits of working on our own but it can become a greater effort to then get out and meet with others. We miss out on the benefit of having others around us who will challenge us and ask questions like ‘How are you getting on with that book you’re writing?‘ and ‘How far have you got in setting up your new venture?‘ and ‘You’ve been scrolling Facebook for quite a while now. Have you got work to do?!’

The fact these events are regular is a huge benefit. You can get them in your diary having key dates to look forward to. I am part of two writing groups, one in St Albans another in London and they both are invaluable in helping me know I have two places a month where I will be focused solely on writing my book.

Engage

The important thing with any of these communication opportunities is that you are engaging with other human beings. You are reminding yourself that you are not alone. There are other people out there who share your frustrations and with whom you can share your joys. You can push yourself to go further or you can simply have fun enjoying the company of others whilst developing your character-without even knowing it.

Just don’t make the checkout staff at your local supermarket your only regular human contact–as wonderful as they may be.

Over to you

So who are you going to have coffee with this week? Let me know how it went in the comments.

[Editor note: This is an update to a post titled ‘Being alone (or meeting the checkout girl at Morrison’s was the highlight of my week)’ that first appeared on Creatives Hub in 2013.]