Three questions to get clarity on your purpose

The beginning or end of a year is a natural time when our thoughts drift toward reflecting on the successes and frustrations of the previous twelve months.

Even though you’ve had successes, it's the failures that often come to mind far quicker. We’re prone to have negativity bias as humans. Something doesn’t feel quite right. And even more so, if it’s near the end of a decade, or a significant year for you, additional reflective weight is piled on to the equation, leading to wondering just what have I done with my life. 

• What have you actually achieved?

• Where are you on your path to success (whatever success is for you)?

• Are you doing what you were born to do? Do you know what that is?

• What exactly is your purpose in life?

If you relate to those questions, read on. You are not alone.

What’s my purpose?

I read a recent report which indicated that 80% of people in the UK, across all ages believe their life lacks purpose. This rises to 89% for 16-29 year olds, a huge jump from a similar report in 2009 showing that only 10% of young people considered their life to be meaningless.

I don't know about you, but I think this is tragic. So many people, the majority no less, going through life without a sense of purpose.

We are all created for a purpose which includes doing work that fulfils, not just pays the bills. That includes you, yes, you. 

For me, this is incredibly exciting. Just think about that for a second. You are ‘created for a purpose.’ There is no-one on this planet like you, designed to fill the role that has your exact balance of talent and passion; that provides a specific need for a specific group of people that no-one else could fulfill in the exact way that you have been designed for. Wow!

But....you might be thinking, that’s all well and good for you Richard and others who know what that balance is; those who already have clarity on their purpose. But what if you don’t? What if you’ve no idea what you were created for? How do you get to a place of clarity? 

There are three questions that I sometimes ask my coaching clients to help them through these challenges to get some clarity. Some people call this The Purpose Sweet Spot. Let’s take a look at each question.

1 What are you good at? [TALENT]

Sounds simple doesn't it? But, when you answer this, don't worry about what you like doing. That's a different question. Of course, the chances are that you may well like what you're good at too. That's fine. The question is, in different words, what are the things that you do that people would come to you for? Or, what are you naturally good at? And, by the way, that still applies if you've had training to do it. Let me give you an example. 

For most of my life, I have found people come to me to chat through their problems and challenges. It comes naturally to me to challenge people and help them break through their long held assumptions. 

I'm also a good listener. I remember a friend coming to see me once. I was in my early 20s. She wanted to chat through an issue and she said something which always stuck with me. She said, 'I love talking to you Richard as you don't always bring your own stuff into the conversation. You just listen.' 

It was only years later, listening to many other conversations and interviews that I really noticed how people would counter-offer their similar experience when someone shared a situation they were going through. This didn't always help the conversation, taking it away from the other person.

I don't say that to brag. I just now know more of who I am, what I'm good at, and the purpose for which I am created.

When you try to answer this question, ask other people as well. Sometimes we can be so negative about ourselves, thinking we're no good at anything, that it really helps to have an external perspective. Ask a family member, a close friend or colleague. You may be very surprised and encouraged.

Brainstorm ideas and try to come up with your top three talents. Once you know what you're good at, it's on to the next stage.

2 What do you love? [PASSION]

Some other ways to ask this question are: What are you passionate about? What do you get totally lost in when you completely lose track of time? Hours can go by without you realising it.

For me that would be having conversations that challenge people (and myself). I remember once whilst at college, having a debate with a fellow student (probably on something like the existence of God!) 

We were standing outside the campus and were so lost in conversation, we didn't even move when it started to rain. Eventually, when it was chucking it down we thought that’s probably a good signal to end the conversation!

I get a real buzz when in deep conversations. It's a similar feeling when I'm speaking at an event. It's like the one-to-one conversations, but now to many people. Sometimes a bit nervy, but I love it.

Again, it sometimes helps to get another perspective if you're having trouble working this out. Just ask other people that know you well to gauge what is it that they see you get lost in.

Once you know what you are good at, and what you love doing, now it's time to see who wants it.

3 Who needs it? [TRIBE]

Other ways of phrasing this question are, what groups of people do you most connect with and what are their needs? For example, I often find myself mixing with creative and entrepreneurial people. Essentially people who are running their own small businesses or wanting to do so. It doesn't take long to see the needs in this audience. Here are a few;

• Coping with working on their own

• Wanting clarity of purpose

• Dealing with feeling overwhelmed

• Wanting to grow a successful business

• Wanting to spend more time being creative and less time doing admin

• Wanting to make a difference in the world

• Wanting more confidence and less fear 

I firmly believe that as well as everyone having a purpose, there will be people who are aligned to that purpose. You might call this your tribe or following. No-one is an island. As human beings we are best when we are choosing to function together. 

What we are good at (talent), and what we love to do (passion), will rarely mean that it's a totally insular activity. Part of it might be, but there will almost always be some connection with other people (tribe).

Unfortunately that's often what society, through the education system in particular can lead us to think. It's all about us. We have to achieve it on our own. In fact as Robert Kiyosaki of Rich Dad Poor Dad fame shares ‘collaboration in school exams is called cheating!’ We’re taught that from such a young age. It's all about you and your own individual performance. This is not how we as humans function best.

Knowing who these people are can help you clarify if what you are good at and what you love is actually something people want. If not, don’t despair. You can always experiment with different audiences or get trained in something that hits that sweet spot. There will always be a way.

The Sweet Spot

Putting it all together, knowing your talent, passion and mission will give you that sweet spot. But this means starting…taking action; experimenting. You have some idea if you have already asked people what you're good at and what you love. So just keep going, treating life as an experiment and not getting too frustrated if you don’t find clarity immediately. It can take time.

But, don’t stay stuck in that place of frustration not knowing your purpose. You were created for a reason. If you want some help to assess if you’re on the right track, just book an enquiry call and we can chat it through.